What is forgiveness?

How you are going to ask forgiveness? 

When you give forgiveness? 

I was asked to give forgiveness. 

He asked thousands times of forgiveness.


I was still suffered by what he did in the past. And he just asked forgiveness thousands times.

I just couldn’t understand why he want forgiveness so much but not care how I am being suffered right now.

What is forgiveness?

And he also asked me friendship.

He wanted too many things without caring about me.

I just couldn’t understand what is forgiveness. 

Life as woman?

After I decided to quit a job, I got so many cheering words from my coworkers. Those words are encouraging me.

However it was not only encouraging words but also uncomfortable and unbelievable words coming to my ears. 

Here is the words from ignorant and miserable person sprinkling on me.

“So, you are giving up on life as woman”

He is about 47 years old and has a wife and a daughter.

He continued, 

“If my daughter start saying that she is going to quit job and start university in your age, I will halt her so hard. I cannot believe that actually your parents allow you to decide the decision.”.

That was way below my expectation. I felt like he is from the era which dinosaurs walking around… 

Then I thought how did 47 years passed in front of him. 

I am 29 years old and he lives about 20 years longer than me and still he is living so small world. 

There are huge mistakes in his words:

1. 29 years old is the age to make her decision on her own.

2. Going university or not marrying at age 29 doesn’t mean that she is not living her life as woman.

 First, When I turned into 20 years old, my father told me 

“From now on you are the one who decide which choices you are gonna take. I can give you an advice but I am not the one who makes choices.”

This is about having responsibility for your life. This is about who control the ship and who are on the ship. Who is the captain of the ship.

Second, there is no definition of what women’s life should be or what men’s life should be. We all have choices to live our own life. The way I chose is according to the definition of my life. I am not giving up on anything. 

Maybe the definition of his life is to have wife who doesn’t work and stay house for him and daughter who does not want to decide her life and want her father to decide everything.

If he has what he wants then good for him, but it doesn’t mean that everyone in this world has exactly same definition of life.  

I was astonished to hear such words from man with age 47. 

I quit

“I quit”

   That was words came out from my mouth on October after struggling with so many concerns and considerations.
   Leaving job is one of the hardest thing in Japan. Because of the way majority Japanese people think badly about leaving job, it is hard to get job after quitting job. Every time you try to get job and go interview for your next job, you will be asked “why did you quit previous job?”. Almost all of them think the reason is relating to his/her bad behavior. Furthermore if your age is more than 30 or you are female it will be harder to get job. Because of those situation, the decision I made wasn’t easy to make. I am 29 years old…actually I will be 30 coming June. And my decision was  going to Canada for PhD. It means that I will be about 34 years old when I get PhD. There will be no guarantee that I can get job again.
   However I decided the way I think it’s right. The reason I chose this way is so simple. I wanted to listen to my heart. Life is only one chance you’ve got and everything happening is all connected to each of events, actions and decisions. By the time of last moment of your life, the last breath you make, the last page of your story, you don’t want to regret anything.
   To make decision, and start new life, you need a little courage and big action. If there are people who lost hopes and dreams, please take a chance in front of you. The chance is everywhere, I believe. Whenever you see the chance flying around you, just catch it and do not make it fly away. I know we have a chance and also risk of our life. But still life is short and only one life we get.
“I quit” I said.
And now I am starting next stage of my life…..

The Beauty of Nature

Nowadays, it is very hard to find a place to see the beauty of nature, whereas there are plenty of places with dazzling lights and traffic noises you can find. I am afraid that someday, when you ask children “What is nature”, then you will get answer from them “the plants in my yard.” or “the zoo I went last weekend with my family.” However living in a big city hardly gives me a chance to feel or see nature.

“A Chance”, which fortunately I got in summer last year. I participated one event which conducted by a volunteer organization which make many events for children and try to give them opportunities to feel the nature. Speaking of “A CHANCE”, the event I joined had one program at that time. “GO INTO THE FOREST”,  “TURN OFF THE LIGHTS”, “STAY THERE” and “SEE, LISTEN, FEEL”. That was vary simple but very important and very smart way to show what we are missing. When I turn off the lights, I just felt comfortable being in the darkness. I heard the sounds of silence, the silence actually have a faint of sound, like you have to come pick the sounds up and bring it to your ears. And you can smell the nature which is something you smelled before in the past but can’t remember when. And remarkably I could see the darkness. It was odd that you see darkness, because you can not see darkness that is why you call it darkness. But I saw the color of darkness. It was beautiful and I am now kind of missing it.

The beauty of nature I felt with this experience was outstanding beautiful and wanted to share with people. The people who don’t have chance to see or feel. There is my favorite book “WINTER WORLD” written by Bernd Heinrich. Once you start reading this book, you can feel the beauty of nature.

Try to feel the beauty of nature…..

Memories of the Great East Japan Earthquake are fading away as time passes by

“Memories of the Great East Japan Earthquake are fading away as time passes by and that is not a bad thing at all. It is natural behavior and needed to move on. The most important thing is how we keep those lessons from unfortunate disaster and fight against nature.”

This is a part of a talk at UN world conference on Disaster Risk Reduction, I attended.

Since I don’t have any friends or relatives in Tohoku region, even it happened in Japan, I can hardly say I know their feeling. I can guess how deeply sad it should be but cannot feel their pains as they feel. But I lost one lovely friend with a sudden accident in the past of my life, so maybe to remember how awful feeling I had at that moment could help to understand their feeling…that is what I thought at first. Then I started remembering the feeling I had when my friend passed away….then at that point I realized my memory of sad feeling is still in my heart but I push into a deep place of my heart and closed the door locked. And I threw the key into the ocean of tears. Now I can’t open it anymore. Furthermore, I feel thankful to myself that I threw the key away so that I don’t need to remember it and can move on.

When I heard the talk at the conference one of my hardest puzzles is completed.

Fading memory away could be one of the right behavior of human being to live, to move on, to smile, to find sunlight again.

One more thing he said which is really important is “keep those lessons from unfortunate disaster and fight against nature”. Yes, precisely. If we just only fading memories away, it is wasting our tears. Lessons learned.

It was great opportunity to face the facts and see what people facing in Tohoku region because of the disaster. I am sure that what I saw was only small part or it is not even a part of it, but it is much better than not knowing or thinking anything about our country.

I am very proud of Japan.